A person with impostor syndrome would be writing this blog post the night before it was due. Oh wait, that’s me. You may be thinking, what is impostor syndrome? Well allow me to shed some light on the subject. It is defined as “…a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence” (The Impostor Syndrome). When you read that definition you may realize that you knew what it was all along, you didn’t have a name for it.
For me, the tendency seems to be that I will do everything possible to avoid having to sit down and actually tackle a writing assignment. Not because of laziness, but because of fear. The unending fear that my work will never be good enough. Which along with my intense perfectionism and self-doubt impair me from being able to simply sit down and write. But eventually, it becomes midnight and I have to face the fact that it is time to write, because if I don’t I will have nothing to turn in. As feelings of uncertainty fill my body, I nervously start to type out an opening sentence. Then I usually erase what I have written a few dozen times before I find something that I can live with. Once I get into the groove of the piece, I love writing. But once I am out of that completely focused imagination zone, the fears and insecurities start screaming at me again. As hard as it is for me to admit, I’m a pretty good student. I usually get A’s in my classes and turn my work in on time. Yet, I never feel like I am doing enough. I also feel like one day someone is going to find out that I have just been getting by on luck. Continue reading